A date for Gollum
by Lizzy Weasley
Summary: Everybody has got a date for St. Valentine's Day, but not Gollum! Will he find a girl or not? Read here!
1. 2 days left

_Disclaimer: I do not own the very charming Gollum or other names I took from the Lord of the Rings! Of course, they are Tolkien's characters and names!_

_But I own one character that will also appear in this story! And some of the names are my invention! _

February, 12th – two daysss till filthy day

Deer diary!

Today, we walks in the park and looksss at all the mortals around, and there was many of them. Mossst of them was with a second one of their race, always hand in hand and all was kisssing.

Disgusssting! Can't them do that at home? That filthy lying pack of mortals! Why do them have to do it in the park. Stupid Valentine'sss Day!

We can't see that any longer, can we, precioussss?

No, we can't, gollum, gollum!

So, what can we do against them stupid mortals, kisssing, embracing each other, preciousss?

We know what we can do!

Tell us, preciousss!

We can write a lonely heartssss ad and for a newspaper!

And get our own mortal girl?

Yesss! Then we can also kisss and embrace! Gollum, gollum!

That'sss a good thing, preciousss! Could be my idea!

It isss, you dork!

Ok, let'sss do it right now! We can'ts wait. But, how do we do it?

Why mussst I be the second half of something that it SSSO STUPID?

We mussst go to the office of the Gondorian Times and gives them our ad! That'sss really easy! Gollum, gollum!

Let'sss go!

_To be continued..._

_My second story! Please write a review and let me know if this is total stupid or if you like it! Thanks!_

_Of course, I know that Valentine's Day is over, but I couldn't post the story earlier!_


	2. 1 day left

_Sorry, it took me longer than expected to go on with this story, but here's (finally) chapter two!_

_Disclaimer: I still do not own the characters of Tolkien (what a pity)! But this queer story comes from my mind! _

February, 13th – anotherr enerving day to go

Deer diary!

Today, we gots the Gondorian Timesss very early in the morning becaussse we has an arrangement with the post man, gollum! (He bringsss usss the paper every morining and we won't bite him and chase him through the town)

Ssstill, there are these filthy mortals all over the town, kisssing, embracing each other! But we will also have that very sssoon, won't we, preciousss?

Yes, we will, gollum, gollum! And that "sssoon" will be tomorrow on this slimy St. Valentine's Day!

And jussst because of our lonely heartsss ad, preciousss?

Of course! Or what do you think? Gollum, gollum!

We read that today in the paper, didn't we? It isss very gollum!

We are looking for a date for the filthy St. Valentine's Day of you stupid mortals!

We are a creepy and always sssniffing creature that usually hatesss the light of day and night.

If you wants us, then you ssshould be willing to move to a dark cave in the ssstupid Mountains because we doesn't wants somebody jussst for fun! We wants our future wife!

Write usss a letter if you wants to go out with usss tomorrow!

Write to…

Thisss will help us to find a girl, won't it, preciousss?

You love to hear your own voice, don't you? Gollum, gollum! Jussst shut up till tomorrow becaussse we has to wait for repliesss to thisss letter! Gollum, gollum!

_It would be very nice if you could write a review and tell me how you like the story! Thanks!_


	3. The big day part 1

_Disclaimer: blablabla- you know what I mean!_

_Next chapter of this strange story!_

February, 14th – the big day, midday

Deer diary!

We wasss quite excited today in the morning becaussse we wasss waiting for repliesss to our lonely heartsss ad. We ssstood in front of the door of thisss dirrrty guest houssse, looking out for the filthy possst man to bring usss the ssstupid lettersss. It wasss very exciting when he came towardsss usss with a very fearful expresssion on his face, wasssn't it, preciousss?

You are really getting on my nervesss with your ssstupid questionsss! Gollum, gollum! But hisss fear made usss really happy! Gollum!

Then, he ssstarted to rummage through hisss possst bag, hisss handsss trembling, and he gave usss one letter! One wonderful filthy letter for usss, preciousss! We have never received a letter before, have we, preciousss?

No, we haven't, gollum! We hopedd that we would gets more of thossse ssslimy lettersss, but we has to accept thisss one!

But thisss letter isss really terribly sssweet and we love it, don't we, preciousss?

Ok, we do, gollum!

It sssays:

Hello, you creepy and slimy creature!

I really liked your ad in the Gondorian Times and that's why I am writing this letter to you!

I would love to have a date with you today!

I will wait for you on a bench in the Mordorian Park at about 1 o'clock PM and I hope you will come!

My name is Michaela Lisana and my hair is blond!

I will wear a black rose, then you will know who I am!

I am really looking forward to our meeting! Kisses from Michaela!

Now, that'sss really wonderfully ugly, isssn't it, preciousss?

Yesss, you filthy ssstupid thing! Now, keep your mouth ssshut and let usss get ready for the date! Gollum, gollum! We will look irresssistible! Gollum, gollum!

_To be continued..._

_I hope you like the new chapter! One last chapter will follow!_


	4. The big day part 2

_Finally, my last chapy! I hope you will like it! Thanks for your support, guys! _

_Disclaimer: Read chapter one!_

_To quote _Mad-Aniviel: _Will she be a female version of Gollum, or just normal? - Read and you will see!_

Febuary, 14th- 'bout 5 o'clock pm

Deer diary,

The date wasss sssilly wonderful! Michaela isss a nasssty beautiful girl of the ssstupid race of humansss. She hasss ssslimy ssshiny blonde hair, terrible blue eyesss and filthy sssoft lipsss. Right, preciousss?

Ssstop getting on my nervesss, gollum! Yesss, you are right! You know that you are!

We wasss walking through the ssstupid park and there wasss even o' thessse sssilly humansss, but it didn't matter to usss today, did it, preciousss?

If you wasss not I, I would hurt you now! Gollum, gollum!

It was really a filthy fine date and we wants to kisss her, but she sssays that it wasss to early, but we took its hand! Her ssskin isss ssso ssstupid sssweet! Preciousss, I think we fell in love! And we will sssee her tonight again, won't we, preciousss?

Ssstop talking to me now! We has to get ready!

February 14th – midnight

Deer diary!

Oh, thisss ssstupid sssilly girl! We hates her, preciousss, don't we?

You are right, thisss time! Gollum, gollum! Ssshe isss ssso mad and mean! We hates her! Gollum, gollum!

Thisss sssecond date wasss ssso filthy wonderful at the beginning. Everything wasss ugly perfect! We wasss in a ressstaurant, we threatened the waiter, we eat raw fisssh and ssshe was happy! Why did ssshe do thisss, preciousss?

Becaussse sssshe isss sssso sssssstupid! And ssssilly and gollum, gollum!

We even accompanied her home and ssshe wanted usss to wait in front of her door becaussse ssshe wanted to fetch sssomething for usss! A presssent ssshe sssaid! Nasssty presssent!

Nasssty, filthy presssent, gollum!

Ssshe sssaid we should clossse our eyesss and we doesss it! And sssuddenly we feels a big pain around our neck and when we opens our eyesss, we ssseesss that ssshe bound a leasssh around our neck! Gollum!

Hey that isss my text, gollum, gollum!

Sssorry, preciousss! And ssshe admitted that ssshe wanted usss as a pet for her home! Ssshe isss really mad! But we ssshowed her what we thinks of it, didn't we, preciousss?

Yeah, we chassed her through the whole town with the ssstupid leasssh around HER neck! Gollum, gollum!

And what ssshall we do now, preciousss? Where ssshall we gets a girlfriends from?

Let'sss leave the ssstupid humansss! They die much too early! Gollum, gollum! Let'sss visssit the Elvesss a bit! Elvesss are much more beautiful than humansss and they ssstay it!

That'sss a filthy good idea, preciousss! Could be mine!

Oh, jussst ssshut up and follow me out of thisss nasssty town!

THE END

_So, what do you think? Let me just say that the description of Michaela is not supposed to be a cliché or something! It's the description of somebody I know..._


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